Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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