my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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