How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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