She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
