Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
