For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
