Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
