Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
