His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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