Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
