seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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