I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
