I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
