Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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