would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
