mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
where am i from again
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
