And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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