Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
