this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
