I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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