I can't watch pbs sober anymore
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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