His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
