Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
