I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
