so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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