The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
