How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
