I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
