the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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