had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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