Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
