I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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