His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
