Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Boobs speak an international language.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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