Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
