Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
