the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
