You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
