I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
