He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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