I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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