Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
high people should be assigned attendants
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
