What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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