dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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