she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Last time i carry you out of a forest
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
