Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
