I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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