I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
