i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
