i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
